What Fools We Mortals Be
For some, Paganism and its practice are a spectacle to behold; there are many documented accounts of individuals who attended a Pagan ritual with the false intention of trying to understand it. Ultimately, many arrive only to spectate and not involve themselves in any way, so that they may be free of their own judgment when penning their scathing reports later. Gods forbid that they be moved by it or accept that people truly believe in what they are doing, and to that effect truly do not care what you think of them. In their eyes, they seek only a small form of legitimacy; to be told they are no crazier than anyone else who practices a form of religion or follows a spiritual path to better their lives. To many anti-theists, it is only a form of group delusion as any religion would be in their view, but some Pagans suffer from even further marginalization: they're not only crazy for being religious, but their very religion is crazy also. I mean LOOK at them. Sarongs and tiaras and what kind of name is that? They're an insult to my ancestors, the REAL pagans who were only paganbecauseJesuswasn'tbornyetcertainlyitwasn'tawillingthing.
Yeah.
It's kindof like being the cream of the crop of religious crazy even though no one is being harmed. Or at least, they SHOULDN'T be being harmed unless they're into that sort of thing. It's a permission thing. No one has authority to insult you without your permission. (I think Eleanor Roosevelt said a similar thing, and it's true). Within Paganism, we set boundaries. We encourage personal responsibility. We encourage open dialogue if at all possible, especially within my home base Druid Grove. Whether people believe it or not, hard polytheists build relationships with Deities. It's a difficult dance at times, because there exists the declaration within other 'mainstream' religions that ALL of the Pagan Gods are dead. I assure you, they are very much alive. You can eradicate any physical evidence you find to the contrary, but you cannot kill a spirit of a deity which is far greater than you. It is beyond your comprehension and your capability. Some say it is arrogant to think that we mere nobody-mortals have anything like a real relationship with what (to them) is an ancient, deceased being. I think it's more arrogant to say that you've killed them all by decree.
You see, these Gods of ancient times are every bit as real to us as the Earth herself. They are her first children, and so long as we exist and She exists, they will continue also. The Gods are spirits or expressions crafted by her, and tempered by our human experiences. There have been multiple times in history that a god has been "invented" or declared by a group of like-minded individuals. Is that a figment of their imagination? Is it the ultimate arrogance in declaring that they have brought forth a god? Or could it be that that particular god CHOSE that time, that place, and those people to be brought into the world? A god isn't necessarily born because you say so, nor do they die because you say so. They are alive, and changing, and adapting, and shapeshifting, and cunning, and sometimes even masquerading as other gods.
The truth is, there aren't any answers or any way to prove immaterial things. A believer will believe and a non-believer won't, and the two will argue for all time. Even when gods have met their ends in prose or other story about them, the gods do not have to listen and obey. Human beings can declare that a god has died, and the god still does not have to obey. Books and stories are frozen pieces of time. They are only dead in that they are incapable of growing themselves any further than the moment they captured; but they can truly inspire further stories and relationships by having intoxicated the imagination of the reader. The gods of life and death surely exist within us as well as without us.
As an ADF Druid (And newly OBODie-type), we work very hard to build relationships with these incredible powers of our universe. They come in the forms of spirits of the land, our ancestors, the gods, ghosts, spirits that originate from humans and spirits that were never human, dating all the way back to the first of human memory. We uphold the ancient contracts, we make sacrifice, we do our level best as often as possible. But we are also human. And our gods are very human to a degree. Some actually were humans, whose spirits were elevated to divine levels.
And last night, I got in a fight with one.
This particular deity was not one I had initially sought out, though whispers of him began when I was still a practicing Catholic. Ridiculous internet quizzes suggested that I would most enjoy and were most like this god. Truly ridiculous quizzes though, because out of the thousands of gods that there are, there were only a total of 10 outcomes from two cultures. Still, it did spark a time of investigation because I am always attempting to learn more. Spinning forward to Yule a couple of years ago, I did my best in a journey working to meet this deity. There are many who celebrate the Norse and Germanic cultures of gods who speak well of him, sometimes in hushed tones of fear and respect. He is not someone to be trifled with, and I kept this in mind as I went forward to meet him. When I did so, I was dismissed almost immediately for having daddy issues. I felt it rude, but gods do what they will, and I continued onward to seek the counsel of others. It didn't end there, though. Over the years, whenever his name is brought up, he has insisted in his way that I simply 'give up' and work for him. When I inquired what he would want from someone who's inferior daddy issues caused him to dismiss me, he would continue that I was a Seer, and I should be working for him because of that. I have only ever obeyed a direct order from him once, during a healing for a good friend because it was truly to her benefit, but the conversation that followed went something to the nature of "Was that really so hard? Just give up already." His voice was clear as day to me.
He is, in many ways, abusive. He tries to get what he wants for the sake of having it; the ends justifies the means. And he crossed the line last night when he tried rather aggressively to force me to do things I didn't want to do, so I fought back. (EDIT: For clarification purposes, the precise thing he did was demand my whole devotion to him. That I couldn't progress in my spiritual path unless I did. It was not my intention to avoid talking about the precise offense. I am not naming names because I do not wish to make others feel that their experiences with this god should be questioned. Your choices are yours, mine are mine.) I shielded myself. My guides were practically manifesting themselves around me. It disrupted the peace in my household and I told him that he was not allowed to cross that line. I called upon other gods for back up until he backed down, but it left such a strange funk in the house that it disrupted my husband's personal rituals to the degree that he noticed something was amiss.
My plans going forward are to continue offering respect and hospitality to this being as is customary, but I draw the line at abuse and subjugation. My service to my gods is my choice. They can choose me all they like, but ultimately I have the ability to tell them no when it comes down to brass tacks. I have seen the popularity of certain gods wash over groups in a wave; the introduction of a new god is an interesting thing. People go from never hearing about them, to suddenly having them become a new patron without ever having done the legwork themselves to meet them. I am automatically suspicious of a god that is insanely popular until I've gotten to know them myself. In the event of my journey, I tried to remove any biases I might have and went with an open mind and an open heart, which was taken advantage of by this particular god. Some of them are rightfully popular and well loved, and others gain popularity by underhanded means. My experience with this being differs from many others, to whom he is well liked and loved. It is not the case for me, and to a degree it makes me sad. No one likes psychological manipulation, I don't think.
At any rate, my patroness has been heavily on guard for the past evening, to the degree that she was on watch in my dreams as well. I appreciate the irony, for so many feel about her the way I feel about this other god, but it cannot be said that I did not give anyone a fair shot.
I am really fucking tired. You may proceed directly to judgment if you like, but what I've recounted is a druid's work with the spirits around her. It might be difficult for some to comprehend, and sound entirely fantastical at that. I promise you, the blood, sweat and actual tears are real.
I felt like this was important to document, and I'm sure I'll have some regrets about elaborating on it later.
Yeah.
It's kindof like being the cream of the crop of religious crazy even though no one is being harmed. Or at least, they SHOULDN'T be being harmed unless they're into that sort of thing. It's a permission thing. No one has authority to insult you without your permission. (I think Eleanor Roosevelt said a similar thing, and it's true). Within Paganism, we set boundaries. We encourage personal responsibility. We encourage open dialogue if at all possible, especially within my home base Druid Grove. Whether people believe it or not, hard polytheists build relationships with Deities. It's a difficult dance at times, because there exists the declaration within other 'mainstream' religions that ALL of the Pagan Gods are dead. I assure you, they are very much alive. You can eradicate any physical evidence you find to the contrary, but you cannot kill a spirit of a deity which is far greater than you. It is beyond your comprehension and your capability. Some say it is arrogant to think that we mere nobody-mortals have anything like a real relationship with what (to them) is an ancient, deceased being. I think it's more arrogant to say that you've killed them all by decree.
You see, these Gods of ancient times are every bit as real to us as the Earth herself. They are her first children, and so long as we exist and She exists, they will continue also. The Gods are spirits or expressions crafted by her, and tempered by our human experiences. There have been multiple times in history that a god has been "invented" or declared by a group of like-minded individuals. Is that a figment of their imagination? Is it the ultimate arrogance in declaring that they have brought forth a god? Or could it be that that particular god CHOSE that time, that place, and those people to be brought into the world? A god isn't necessarily born because you say so, nor do they die because you say so. They are alive, and changing, and adapting, and shapeshifting, and cunning, and sometimes even masquerading as other gods.
The truth is, there aren't any answers or any way to prove immaterial things. A believer will believe and a non-believer won't, and the two will argue for all time. Even when gods have met their ends in prose or other story about them, the gods do not have to listen and obey. Human beings can declare that a god has died, and the god still does not have to obey. Books and stories are frozen pieces of time. They are only dead in that they are incapable of growing themselves any further than the moment they captured; but they can truly inspire further stories and relationships by having intoxicated the imagination of the reader. The gods of life and death surely exist within us as well as without us.
As an ADF Druid (And newly OBODie-type), we work very hard to build relationships with these incredible powers of our universe. They come in the forms of spirits of the land, our ancestors, the gods, ghosts, spirits that originate from humans and spirits that were never human, dating all the way back to the first of human memory. We uphold the ancient contracts, we make sacrifice, we do our level best as often as possible. But we are also human. And our gods are very human to a degree. Some actually were humans, whose spirits were elevated to divine levels.
And last night, I got in a fight with one.
This particular deity was not one I had initially sought out, though whispers of him began when I was still a practicing Catholic. Ridiculous internet quizzes suggested that I would most enjoy and were most like this god. Truly ridiculous quizzes though, because out of the thousands of gods that there are, there were only a total of 10 outcomes from two cultures. Still, it did spark a time of investigation because I am always attempting to learn more. Spinning forward to Yule a couple of years ago, I did my best in a journey working to meet this deity. There are many who celebrate the Norse and Germanic cultures of gods who speak well of him, sometimes in hushed tones of fear and respect. He is not someone to be trifled with, and I kept this in mind as I went forward to meet him. When I did so, I was dismissed almost immediately for having daddy issues. I felt it rude, but gods do what they will, and I continued onward to seek the counsel of others. It didn't end there, though. Over the years, whenever his name is brought up, he has insisted in his way that I simply 'give up' and work for him. When I inquired what he would want from someone who's inferior daddy issues caused him to dismiss me, he would continue that I was a Seer, and I should be working for him because of that. I have only ever obeyed a direct order from him once, during a healing for a good friend because it was truly to her benefit, but the conversation that followed went something to the nature of "Was that really so hard? Just give up already." His voice was clear as day to me.
He is, in many ways, abusive. He tries to get what he wants for the sake of having it; the ends justifies the means. And he crossed the line last night when he tried rather aggressively to force me to do things I didn't want to do, so I fought back. (EDIT: For clarification purposes, the precise thing he did was demand my whole devotion to him. That I couldn't progress in my spiritual path unless I did. It was not my intention to avoid talking about the precise offense. I am not naming names because I do not wish to make others feel that their experiences with this god should be questioned. Your choices are yours, mine are mine.) I shielded myself. My guides were practically manifesting themselves around me. It disrupted the peace in my household and I told him that he was not allowed to cross that line. I called upon other gods for back up until he backed down, but it left such a strange funk in the house that it disrupted my husband's personal rituals to the degree that he noticed something was amiss.
My plans going forward are to continue offering respect and hospitality to this being as is customary, but I draw the line at abuse and subjugation. My service to my gods is my choice. They can choose me all they like, but ultimately I have the ability to tell them no when it comes down to brass tacks. I have seen the popularity of certain gods wash over groups in a wave; the introduction of a new god is an interesting thing. People go from never hearing about them, to suddenly having them become a new patron without ever having done the legwork themselves to meet them. I am automatically suspicious of a god that is insanely popular until I've gotten to know them myself. In the event of my journey, I tried to remove any biases I might have and went with an open mind and an open heart, which was taken advantage of by this particular god. Some of them are rightfully popular and well loved, and others gain popularity by underhanded means. My experience with this being differs from many others, to whom he is well liked and loved. It is not the case for me, and to a degree it makes me sad. No one likes psychological manipulation, I don't think.
At any rate, my patroness has been heavily on guard for the past evening, to the degree that she was on watch in my dreams as well. I appreciate the irony, for so many feel about her the way I feel about this other god, but it cannot be said that I did not give anyone a fair shot.
I am really fucking tired. You may proceed directly to judgment if you like, but what I've recounted is a druid's work with the spirits around her. It might be difficult for some to comprehend, and sound entirely fantastical at that. I promise you, the blood, sweat and actual tears are real.
I felt like this was important to document, and I'm sure I'll have some regrets about elaborating on it later.
I think what you wrote was excellant and can be a source of encouragement to someone who may come across such a dilemna in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI know the deity of whom you speak, not personally but I mean I know the name. I also know that the experience you had sounds to be, from what I have read, the experience of the ancient form of this god, perhaps the more true form versus the New Age version? Anyway, I am proud of you.
Perhaps this was meant not to manipulate, but to test you in your strength, honor and resolve? It would go along the Norse code to be tested like this, imo. And you passed. But since I didn't experience this, I can only speculate. Still, well done.