Wellspring 2014
I suppose I could tell this like a story, but then I'd miss important things. There were a lot of important things. Therefore, lists for everyone!
1.) I finally got to meet some people in person that I thought might never happen. And damn, it's hard to fit months and months worth of conversations in with those folks when everyone in the camp is trying to do the same thing with everyone. I gave it a try, but social anxiety was really kicking my ass, so I'd gone to bed early (like 8pm) one night, and retreated to camp a couple times just to try and clear my head...which led to some serious consequences. Morgan, Sean, William, Rowan, Gwernin, Rob H,-- all people I thought I'd never meet and have looked up to for some reason or another ever since I'd known them. Typically, though, you don't introduce yourself by saying that; it's not fair to those people. I also got to reconnect with people that I'd only known either by reputation and some small meetings prior and got to spend real time with them which was awesome. A few of them were in rare form, to be sure. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from the rest of ADF by this invisible wall that exists around our Grove, and I think that as time goes on we are breaking that down. The FIRST thing I have to do is finish my effing CTP, which is what I'll be focusing on over the next few weeks.
2.) Dehydration and Heat Exhaustion. This happened. Everyone else was freezing, but we had a heater in our tent on the second night that kindof appeared in the night, in addition to the heating pad I had bought earlier to stay warm. Aurora and I got a little cooked that night. That kinda set the stage for the rest of the weekend, though. Sunday was the annual meeting, and our Grove was presented with this incredible award, and that meant I had to go up alone and accept it for all of the incredible people back home who worked so hard to achieve this...and I was overtired, anxious, and overheated, so promptly afterward I couldn't stop crying. I was ok, but my eyes were like "no, you've still got water in you. let's get rid of it!" and I wound up fleeing back to my tent, but had to go to the Artisan voting thingy so off I went. I went down to the nemeton, made copious offerings to the Gods in thanks, and tried to get myself back into gear. It worked for the most part! Chenille Canopy happened somewhere in here, and it was lovely. Then I decided to try and take a nap to cure the fatigue I was experiencing, not quite grasping that it was heat-related, and fell asleep in the sun. I don't know how long I was there, but when I woke up I could barely move and my heart rate was so rapid I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I was able to roll onto my stomach and out of the sun (cause the tent floor was cold from the ground), pressed myself against it and fell back asleep. I don't know when Aurora got there, but when I woke up again she was on the ground, too. Being cooked is so awesome. I peeled myself off the floor and headed out to cool off in the sink, but that wasn't enough. Shower helped, but then I had to get ready for the main ritual I volunteered for shortly before my nap. This was gonna be ridiculous. It did not disappoint!
3.) There are some effing amazing artisans in ADF. I wound up taking second place in 2d art, which surprised and delighted me because it was the first serious painting I'd attempted in over a decade. The judge's comments made me laugh and not hate my own work, one referenced the "headband" on my painting...which ...didn't exist. Eep! I was so happy that it was so well received. Next time I will probably bring the original canvas; it can be seen better. I photographed all of the entries (cause holy wow, there were a lot!) and have deepest sympathies for the judges in having to make those calls. I promised myself I would enter something, even if it was bollocks, and actually won something. Very pleased. And I hope that Chris Henderson gets some more sickles made soon, because that was amazing. And ALL THE CHEESE! Oh my gosh, Amy and everyone that contributed to the cheese pile wins at life.
4.) There is something about Lake Erie that I have GOT to make the time to investigate next time. Every time I see it, it takes my breath away. It's vastness, the feel and shape of it, the cloud activity over it, the spirit of it...and this is coming from a girl that grew up in Bethany Beach and saw the Atlantic Ocean pretty much daily. It's THAT interesting.
5.) Main ritual, or the Ritual In Which a Ragtag Team of Ritualists Pulled Off Something Amazing. I only had discovered that I would have a role in the hours preceding the ritual, and everyone that participated was a group that had never worked together before in ritual. It had a few hitches, but damn did it raise some serious juice. Big props to Nick and Rowan for not just imploding from the pressure. It was the first time I'd done anything spontaneously in a ritual with THAT many people judging me at once, and I did what I could to try and bring them into the moment rather than worrying about any kind of performance I might be giving. The thing is, I don't remember everything I did, I only remember a little of what was said, but everything I said and did came directly from my heart. I felt it was important to connect with spirit, and did all that I could to wake them to our rite. I did receive some criticism (from someone I respect and admire) later that caught me offguard; in that the invocation was a bit long for folks to be bent over touching the earth. It never occurred to me that I might be causing people discomfort in that regard, so I felt pretty awful. I figured that people would just stand up if they couldn't bend for too long, but every Grove does things differently, and thankfully no one was injured or I would have felt awful. Constructive Criticism integrated for next time, should there be a next time.
The Omen was incredibly on point. It was an honor to see such an established Seer at work. Two things I might have done differently was perhaps provided more than one horn to pass for the Waters of Life, fortunately the energy never dropped because of the presence of the drummers who kept it running hot. It was fun to see the tag-team of Kirk and Drum boogying down to get the rest of us doing the same. There were two noted drops in energy that I experienced, and perhaps someone else can pinpoint others. The Unity Rite dragged like an anchor through the mud, and one other instance where someone uttered an audible "please" after the waters of life had been requested. I understood their intention, but for whatever reason, things got icy for a second.
6.) Morrighan Devotional: It's always interesting to experience someone else's perspective of Morrighan. I hear so many people telling me they know and understand "what she is", and I suppose that everyone has their own ideas according to their relationships with her. I agree with a lot of Drum's perspective on her; she's one of the Old Ones for sure. Anann/Ana/Anu/Anand (w/e) being my patron, she is the Earth I honor. For me, I didn't have a choice in the matter really-- she chose me. I have work to do, and I don't much care what other people think. It's a way of life, not a trend. At any rate, the Devotional was succinct and heartfelt, and I drew two omens. I had brought my own set of runes for the rite, and drew Wunjo, Raidho, and Mannaz...which I interpreted to mean a joyful voyage with people in my organization. Directly, it meant Wellspring, indirectly it meant "do your damn CTP, woman." Then, as usually happens with Her during rites she is invited to, when Drum pulled the group omen, I read a message in the fire I wasn't intending to read. I kept it to myself, because people don't trust augerers or scriers in the ADF, no matter how verified they are through their Grove workings. However, when Drum read his omen aloud, I had to stop myself from laughing.( not at him, just by the surprise of the similarity between our 'omens') He spoke of having to seek a higher perspective, and about things that needed to be stripped away and refocused. I had seen a mountain in the fire; a peak whose innards gleamed with shiny minerals. Then, as quick as a flash, I caught a glimpse of a salmon leaping away. I understood it to mean that "in order to set your sites on lofty heights, be careful of where your path may lead: not all wisdom is true or worth pursuing. Raise your awareness and examine plans more closely." I meant to tell Drum of this, but I somehow didn't have a single moment to tell him so the rest of the weekend. Perhaps it was meant to be that way, I dunno. I saw a lot of things in the fire this weekend. A kid get abducted in a city somewhere over a custody battle (shared that one at my camp, got funny looks, so I stopped sharing). People being shot for no reason (that one I didn't share). These are things I learn from the fire, so there it is. It's kindof like tuning into one radio station at a time when there are thousands of channels.
7.) 76 has more dead deer on it than I think is ok; I seriously saw more roadkill on that stretch of highway than anywhere else I know is equally travelled. I think I saw over 50 dead animal bodies. On Route 70, however, an owl crossed in front of my car low enough for me to see it, and flew off. It was really beautiful. And I think I saw a heron every day.
8.) The weekend was a weird mix of being valued and undervalued emotionally; largely when it came to art and other things. I tried not to overhear people who were bitching about me, but hey. I have to remind myself over and over that it's about them, not me. And people who undervalue my work do make me feel shitty. I get it; I'm not a doctor. I'm an artist; art is clearly free of all cost and I should just give it away. Nope. This was just a minor note really; the good really overshadowed the bad by a lot.
9.) "Was it a turtle?" Some of the natives at Brushwood are interesting people. I met a couple of really great ones, then there are some who overstep their boundaries. I have a feeling that it had been happening there a lot over the years. There were some ghosts of sorts running around; either spirits of people or spirits of events (like rape..that leaves a sort of resonance).
10.) Rev Sean Harbaugh hates vampires about as much as I do. Hell yeah. I'd love to play Mage with him, Rev Ashton, Rev MacLuan, Rev Corrigan (because he'd just break the rules), Rev Dangler, and anyone else who would improve the extremely epic quality in a game like that. Seamus leaps to mind with jazz hands. In a perfect world. :D
11.) I am so, so excited about the Order of the Dead. The moment I am able, I want to formally get into that and join. SO ESSITED.
12.) It really does suck not being able to drink after other people. I should get a little travel drinking horn or shot glass for myself to take around with me so I don't feel so awful about the whole thing. Though, drinking whiskey from a paper bowl has a certain Wellspring charm to it. ;)
Overall, it was a great weekend despite the weather extremes and the health issues. Stone Creed pulled off a very organized gathering this year. There was always toilet paper, and who doesn't love a good voodoo conjure dance being drummed out and rocking out at an ADF festival? Push those boundaries, folks. Push em hard.
I cannot wait for next year. Will bring more canopies and more alcohol to share! I'm sure I'll think of other things but for now, this stuff stands out in my mind.
Leaving was seriously bittersweet, but as usual I am home with my fires re-lit, my commitments reminded, and hope for the future of the org.
1.) I finally got to meet some people in person that I thought might never happen. And damn, it's hard to fit months and months worth of conversations in with those folks when everyone in the camp is trying to do the same thing with everyone. I gave it a try, but social anxiety was really kicking my ass, so I'd gone to bed early (like 8pm) one night, and retreated to camp a couple times just to try and clear my head...which led to some serious consequences. Morgan, Sean, William, Rowan, Gwernin, Rob H,-- all people I thought I'd never meet and have looked up to for some reason or another ever since I'd known them. Typically, though, you don't introduce yourself by saying that; it's not fair to those people. I also got to reconnect with people that I'd only known either by reputation and some small meetings prior and got to spend real time with them which was awesome. A few of them were in rare form, to be sure. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from the rest of ADF by this invisible wall that exists around our Grove, and I think that as time goes on we are breaking that down. The FIRST thing I have to do is finish my effing CTP, which is what I'll be focusing on over the next few weeks.
2.) Dehydration and Heat Exhaustion. This happened. Everyone else was freezing, but we had a heater in our tent on the second night that kindof appeared in the night, in addition to the heating pad I had bought earlier to stay warm. Aurora and I got a little cooked that night. That kinda set the stage for the rest of the weekend, though. Sunday was the annual meeting, and our Grove was presented with this incredible award, and that meant I had to go up alone and accept it for all of the incredible people back home who worked so hard to achieve this...and I was overtired, anxious, and overheated, so promptly afterward I couldn't stop crying. I was ok, but my eyes were like "no, you've still got water in you. let's get rid of it!" and I wound up fleeing back to my tent, but had to go to the Artisan voting thingy so off I went. I went down to the nemeton, made copious offerings to the Gods in thanks, and tried to get myself back into gear. It worked for the most part! Chenille Canopy happened somewhere in here, and it was lovely. Then I decided to try and take a nap to cure the fatigue I was experiencing, not quite grasping that it was heat-related, and fell asleep in the sun. I don't know how long I was there, but when I woke up I could barely move and my heart rate was so rapid I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I was able to roll onto my stomach and out of the sun (cause the tent floor was cold from the ground), pressed myself against it and fell back asleep. I don't know when Aurora got there, but when I woke up again she was on the ground, too. Being cooked is so awesome. I peeled myself off the floor and headed out to cool off in the sink, but that wasn't enough. Shower helped, but then I had to get ready for the main ritual I volunteered for shortly before my nap. This was gonna be ridiculous. It did not disappoint!
3.) There are some effing amazing artisans in ADF. I wound up taking second place in 2d art, which surprised and delighted me because it was the first serious painting I'd attempted in over a decade. The judge's comments made me laugh and not hate my own work, one referenced the "headband" on my painting...which ...didn't exist. Eep! I was so happy that it was so well received. Next time I will probably bring the original canvas; it can be seen better. I photographed all of the entries (cause holy wow, there were a lot!) and have deepest sympathies for the judges in having to make those calls. I promised myself I would enter something, even if it was bollocks, and actually won something. Very pleased. And I hope that Chris Henderson gets some more sickles made soon, because that was amazing. And ALL THE CHEESE! Oh my gosh, Amy and everyone that contributed to the cheese pile wins at life.
4.) There is something about Lake Erie that I have GOT to make the time to investigate next time. Every time I see it, it takes my breath away. It's vastness, the feel and shape of it, the cloud activity over it, the spirit of it...and this is coming from a girl that grew up in Bethany Beach and saw the Atlantic Ocean pretty much daily. It's THAT interesting.
5.) Main ritual, or the Ritual In Which a Ragtag Team of Ritualists Pulled Off Something Amazing. I only had discovered that I would have a role in the hours preceding the ritual, and everyone that participated was a group that had never worked together before in ritual. It had a few hitches, but damn did it raise some serious juice. Big props to Nick and Rowan for not just imploding from the pressure. It was the first time I'd done anything spontaneously in a ritual with THAT many people judging me at once, and I did what I could to try and bring them into the moment rather than worrying about any kind of performance I might be giving. The thing is, I don't remember everything I did, I only remember a little of what was said, but everything I said and did came directly from my heart. I felt it was important to connect with spirit, and did all that I could to wake them to our rite. I did receive some criticism (from someone I respect and admire) later that caught me offguard; in that the invocation was a bit long for folks to be bent over touching the earth. It never occurred to me that I might be causing people discomfort in that regard, so I felt pretty awful. I figured that people would just stand up if they couldn't bend for too long, but every Grove does things differently, and thankfully no one was injured or I would have felt awful. Constructive Criticism integrated for next time, should there be a next time.
The Omen was incredibly on point. It was an honor to see such an established Seer at work. Two things I might have done differently was perhaps provided more than one horn to pass for the Waters of Life, fortunately the energy never dropped because of the presence of the drummers who kept it running hot. It was fun to see the tag-team of Kirk and Drum boogying down to get the rest of us doing the same. There were two noted drops in energy that I experienced, and perhaps someone else can pinpoint others. The Unity Rite dragged like an anchor through the mud, and one other instance where someone uttered an audible "please" after the waters of life had been requested. I understood their intention, but for whatever reason, things got icy for a second.
6.) Morrighan Devotional: It's always interesting to experience someone else's perspective of Morrighan. I hear so many people telling me they know and understand "what she is", and I suppose that everyone has their own ideas according to their relationships with her. I agree with a lot of Drum's perspective on her; she's one of the Old Ones for sure. Anann/Ana/Anu/Anand (w/e) being my patron, she is the Earth I honor. For me, I didn't have a choice in the matter really-- she chose me. I have work to do, and I don't much care what other people think. It's a way of life, not a trend. At any rate, the Devotional was succinct and heartfelt, and I drew two omens. I had brought my own set of runes for the rite, and drew Wunjo, Raidho, and Mannaz...which I interpreted to mean a joyful voyage with people in my organization. Directly, it meant Wellspring, indirectly it meant "do your damn CTP, woman." Then, as usually happens with Her during rites she is invited to, when Drum pulled the group omen, I read a message in the fire I wasn't intending to read. I kept it to myself, because people don't trust augerers or scriers in the ADF, no matter how verified they are through their Grove workings. However, when Drum read his omen aloud, I had to stop myself from laughing.( not at him, just by the surprise of the similarity between our 'omens') He spoke of having to seek a higher perspective, and about things that needed to be stripped away and refocused. I had seen a mountain in the fire; a peak whose innards gleamed with shiny minerals. Then, as quick as a flash, I caught a glimpse of a salmon leaping away. I understood it to mean that "in order to set your sites on lofty heights, be careful of where your path may lead: not all wisdom is true or worth pursuing. Raise your awareness and examine plans more closely." I meant to tell Drum of this, but I somehow didn't have a single moment to tell him so the rest of the weekend. Perhaps it was meant to be that way, I dunno. I saw a lot of things in the fire this weekend. A kid get abducted in a city somewhere over a custody battle (shared that one at my camp, got funny looks, so I stopped sharing). People being shot for no reason (that one I didn't share). These are things I learn from the fire, so there it is. It's kindof like tuning into one radio station at a time when there are thousands of channels.
7.) 76 has more dead deer on it than I think is ok; I seriously saw more roadkill on that stretch of highway than anywhere else I know is equally travelled. I think I saw over 50 dead animal bodies. On Route 70, however, an owl crossed in front of my car low enough for me to see it, and flew off. It was really beautiful. And I think I saw a heron every day.
8.) The weekend was a weird mix of being valued and undervalued emotionally; largely when it came to art and other things. I tried not to overhear people who were bitching about me, but hey. I have to remind myself over and over that it's about them, not me. And people who undervalue my work do make me feel shitty. I get it; I'm not a doctor. I'm an artist; art is clearly free of all cost and I should just give it away. Nope. This was just a minor note really; the good really overshadowed the bad by a lot.
9.) "Was it a turtle?" Some of the natives at Brushwood are interesting people. I met a couple of really great ones, then there are some who overstep their boundaries. I have a feeling that it had been happening there a lot over the years. There were some ghosts of sorts running around; either spirits of people or spirits of events (like rape..that leaves a sort of resonance).
10.) Rev Sean Harbaugh hates vampires about as much as I do. Hell yeah. I'd love to play Mage with him, Rev Ashton, Rev MacLuan, Rev Corrigan (because he'd just break the rules), Rev Dangler, and anyone else who would improve the extremely epic quality in a game like that. Seamus leaps to mind with jazz hands. In a perfect world. :D
11.) I am so, so excited about the Order of the Dead. The moment I am able, I want to formally get into that and join. SO ESSITED.
12.) It really does suck not being able to drink after other people. I should get a little travel drinking horn or shot glass for myself to take around with me so I don't feel so awful about the whole thing. Though, drinking whiskey from a paper bowl has a certain Wellspring charm to it. ;)
Overall, it was a great weekend despite the weather extremes and the health issues. Stone Creed pulled off a very organized gathering this year. There was always toilet paper, and who doesn't love a good voodoo conjure dance being drummed out and rocking out at an ADF festival? Push those boundaries, folks. Push em hard.
I cannot wait for next year. Will bring more canopies and more alcohol to share! I'm sure I'll think of other things but for now, this stuff stands out in my mind.
Leaving was seriously bittersweet, but as usual I am home with my fires re-lit, my commitments reminded, and hope for the future of the org.
it was great finally meeting you - I would have loved more time to talk. I wish I knew you scryed the fire during the devotional - so did I and it would have been great to chat about that, or generally compare notes.
ReplyDeleteAnd your art is wonderful; my friend and I both bought prints and I plan to get more.